Yard work taking up too much of your time? Bored with your daily life's lack of nuclear fallout? In need of raw isotopes to send the infidels back to their heathen gods? Then you need the Hypercorp Atomic Lawnmower! Some may call a lawnmower using miniaturized nuclear reactor overkill, but here at Hypercorp we don't cut corners.

What kid needs mundane toy firearms like "Super Soakers" and "Nerf" when they can play soldier with the Hypercorp Wacky Funtime Spear Gun! Each Wacky Funtime Spear Gun kit comes with ten serrated spears, 7 zany legal waivers, and a spear gun that would even make grumpy old Captain Ahab jealous! It also comes with a pair of safety gloves, so your child doesn't get blisters firing the gun at his playmates. Safety comes first here at Hypercorp.

Campaign Slander Generator

Does your political platform offer no substantive solutions or changes? Do you have the charisma of a rotting block of wood? Has your opponent all but left your buried in the dust with his overrated "competence", "morality", and "inspiration"? A bit short on lobbyist cronies? Or are you simply bored and think some base name-calling would spice up your weekend? Whatever the case, you need to send us large sums of money for the Hypercorp slander generator.

Raising a child can be a hassle, especially with those pesky child-labor laws keeping the little brats in the house and not working for Hypercorp. New parents don't need the added hassle of infants crying all night out of some selfish desire for attention, love, or food. With our patented Nighty-Night tranquilizer darts, your nights will be wail-free as your infant sleeps peacefully.

Hypercorp takes no responsibility for whether or not the child wakes up again. In fact, Hypercorp takes no responsibility for ANY product usage: only an imbecile accepts the words "tranquilizer" and "my baby" in the same sentence. We like to consider it evolution.