An Annoted version of the story of Christ's death
He put out his cigarette under his boot.
"Was it worth it Judas?"
Surrounded by hundreds of the Rome corporation's L.E.G.I.O.N zombies, the enigma they called "The Savior" was in dire straits.
A cluster of of the zombies parted to allow a figure in a red suit to step forward.
Jesus scowled. "Was it worth all the blood?"
"It was worth it, and I'd do it all again. Project Crucifix is online."
Judas made a hand motion, and the zombies pushed a squirming figure forward. Judas raised his gold-plated Desert Eagle to the face of Mary Magdalene.
"I've thought of everything Jesus. You think I'd forget the abuse? That I'd forget all those years playing second fiddle while you got credit for killing Dragon Ninjas? I remember all your weaknesses, and she's your greatest one."
"You forgot one thing, Judas." said Mary Magdalene through gritted teeth.
"What?"
"I know kung-fu."
In the blink of an eye, Mary double snap-kicked Judas in the chest, sending him flying. She then began kicking the heads off of L.E.G.I.O.N zombies, using her famous flying crane stance.
"Go Jesus! Run while there's still time!"
"I won't leave your behind Mary!"
Jesus reached into his jacket pockets and pulled out his trademark twin chainguns. Each bullet was made of silver (he hunted werewolves in the summer) and had a tiny crucifix engraved on it. Dual wielding these weapons, he cut down wave after wave of zombie alongside Mary.
Suddenly, a large shadow was cast over the fighting couple. Both Jesus and Mary looked up in awe.
"Did you miss me?" said Judas with a smirk. He was inside project Crucifix: a three-story tall mech covered in spikes and missile launchers. What appeared to be red paint was actually the blood of recently baptized infants. Each of the Mech's four arms held one of Judas's famed crossblades.
Jesus tore off his shirt for no apparent reason. "If you kill me Judas, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!"
"That's a risk I'll have to take."
The pair charged at each other over the fields of fallen undead. Jesus agilely dodged the first salvo of missiles from Judas, and caught the last missile of the second wave, throwing it back at the source. At close range, Jesus weaved nimbly, dodging the many crossblade strikes of the gargantuan project Crucifix. Before the day was done, he had torn off three of the mech's four arms with his bare hands. Sadly, it could not last: Judas's fourth crossblade impaled the savior to the ground.
"I'll be back Judas. Count on it."
With his last breath, Jesus removed the bloody Crossblade and stabbed deep into the center of the mech. He breached the power core, starting a countdown on the explosive meltdown of the nuclear-powered machine.
"Damn you Jesus! Damn you to hell!" shouted Judas as he pressed the emergency ejection key. The escape pod, which was shaped like a bullet, was launched into the night sky. The pair would meet again, and Judas would need to be ready. He would need to accelerate project Antichrist.
And that's why we celebrate Easter.
The following is MWT artist and zombie hunter Ben Herman's artisitic interpretation of Christ.
2008
Follow me on Twitter. Reach Enlightenment.
|