Strength. Humility. Swarms of angry bees. One noble instrument has the power to call all these things to mind: the vuvuzela.

Truly, the vuvuzela is the greatest thing to grace the world of professional sports since anabolic steroids. What better way to motivate the athletes of the World Cup than create the illusion of being chased by an army of hornets? Fame and money pale before the primal fury of the vuvuzela.

Let’s take a look at the anatomy of this noble instrument.

1) Mouthpiece: Here, a drunken tourist or overenthusiastic local places their talentless lips. Chaos follows.

2) Dignity Siphon: Any notions of restraint or self-respect are stored and filtered out here.

3) The Necrochamber: This gland pulsates with fell life at the center of each Vuvuzela, and is responsible for channeling the sounds of the souls of the damned being violated by Lucifer’s flaming legions. It also provides the bass.

4) Hive: In the event of a theft, a score of yellow jackets are released to devour the perpetrator.

5) Bell: Sound comes out here, alongside the occasional hive queen.

6/18/2010
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