Congratulations Sir/Madam/Count, you’ve made your first step toward changing your political, social, and love life! The MaxTech “Juggernaut” laser is the most powerful laser available for civilian purchase, due to a loophole in the Mad Science Regulatory Act of 1997. Now this indispensable tool has moved from Professor Obsidian’s lair to your living room.

This innovative device has a wide array of applications, from safe mining of precious gems to entertaining small children with impromptu laser light shows. The laser is not, however, intended for misuse as a method of eliminating one’s corporate rivals, superpowered interlopers, or irksome pets.

Requirements

A certificate of mental health from a trained professional, or a two hundred dollar deposit to a trained professional.

Atomic waste disposal units.

Reckless disregard for one’s safety and human life.

Ready access to a getaway vehicle.

Two AA batteries.

Interface Guide

All Juggernaut functions are accessible via MaxTech’s patented “Malbolgia” remote control system. For safety reasons, the majority of the controller consists of blinking buttons with no real function. The only working parts are the following:

The mode selection dial comes with four settings: mining, terminate, and oblivion. Do not use the oblivion setting under any circumstances. In the event of an accidental activation, a direct video uplink to the UN Security Council is attached.

The large red button fires the laser. If you had trouble figuring this out, please turn it upon yourself and spare the world some pain.

Targeting is performed via the trackball on the back of the remote. As a result, small movements have a tendency to move the laser in random directions.

Warranty

The Juggernaut may be sent back to the manufacturer for a full repair or four percent rebate. There is no time limit for this policy, but it is considered null and void under the following conditions:

Additions of spoilers or neon lights to the Juggernaut by the user.

Public execution of a spy or vigilante by the user.

A member of the repair team having a bad day.

True love’s first kiss.

The return of Quetzalcoatl.

8/12/2010
Email: contact@mwt-studios.com