The “Sexy Coroner” Halloween costume set will receive a lukewarm reception.

The autocracy will be established via popular vote.

Lost writings of Nostradamus containing the words "just kidding" will be uncovered.

Violence will not be the answer, but it will receive partial credit.

A sex act involving a conga line, a dozen jars of apple sauce, and a copy of the New Testament will experience a brief burst of popularity.

A pseudo-intellectual commentary on politics will be orated.

Time pressure from the record label will lead to the release of a metal album that consists of a single three-hour guitar solo.

McDonalds will begin selling syringes filled with corn syrup and saturated fat. This will be popular among those that prefer to cut out the middleman.

Say goodbye to Liberia.

Analysts will be baffled by the unpopularity of the “Silent Hill” children’s theme park.

A pseudo-intellectual commentary on religion will be filmed.

Anne Coulter will recharge her dark energies with the still beating heart of a human child.

Nuclear Power Plants will double in profitability by offering the opportunity for superpowers to comic book fans.

The most disturbing fan fiction in human history will feature five U.S. presidents, three Final Fantasy characters, a pair of coat hangers, and Ragnarok.

A dog will catch its own tail.

A pseudo-intellectual commentary on pseudo-intellectualism will be written.

An idiot savant will be demoted to simple idiot.

On the night of Halloween, you will let out a horrid scream. Shadows will drag you into the black, and at your mind and skin they’ll hack. At the end of the pain, a hollow husk will remain. In return for your world of hurt, all you’ll get is a t-shirt.