Once again, I'm here with more insights about the future as perceived through a cheap fifteen dollar snowglobe. Of course, I've kept the lottery numbers and cures for diseases to myself.

Nothing will improve this year.

Mankind will discover critical information about former intelligent life on Mars. Unfortunately, that information will be given via direct interaction with the entity that killed all of it.

A sniper intending to assassinate President Obama will accidentally kill Ann Coulter due to a serious of hilarious misunderstandings. An unintentionally hilarious documentary about the incident will receive three Oscars and make over 80 million dollars in the box office.

All of human history since 500 A.D will be revealed as an elaborate practical joke by God.

The last mildly entertaining sitcom premise will be taken by NBC in April.

Hospitals will be flooded with patients upon the release of Crack the Sky, an album so potent it will cause all listeners to spontaneously combust.

The Holy Land will ultimately be owned by Buddhists.

Slacker, a video game simulating the stimulating schedule of a couch-filling college dropout, will sell over six copies worldwide. This sum will exceed sales projections by five.

Global warming will make the expression "room temperature IQ" meaningless.

Internet humorists will be recognized as the most deserving candidates for Nobel Peace Prizes.

The concept of love will be reduced to a simplistic one-variable equation. Suddenly, mathematicians will become the most desirable mates on the planet.

Unfortunate events will lead to HP Lovecraft’s works being reclassified from "sci-fi horror" to "historical fiction".