The ever-shrinking world of people that give a crap about Wonder Woman was recently rocked by the announcement of a character-redefining reboot. The boldness of the move is a stark contrast to DC’s usual business stratagem of a static world held hostage by the stagnant imagination of their aging fanboys.

The reboot is set to give Wonder Woman a new place in the comic pantheon. An updated outlook and concept for the modern world. A character cast on the brink of destruction. The end of her position as the Ringo Starr of the DC trinity.

Most importantly, the reboot will give her pants.

Jim Lee must be happy to draw something other than a Frank Miller prostitute.

As always, I’m here to help. I offer the following suggestions to preserve the integrity of the new pants-wearing Spirit of Truth in the new millennium.

1. There is no Cheetah. There never was a Cheetah. Any writer that says the word should be gassed.

2. A utility belt that holds dozens of bat-shaped shuriken.

3. To appeal to younger audiences, Wonder Woman should freestyle rap and use an entirely breakdance-centric fighting style. Consider the secret identity “MC Wondah”.

4. An onboard A.I. for the invisible jet with a highly offensive imitation of a British accent.

5. A base in the North Pole that serves as a hybrid hideout and monument to Amazonian Culture.

6. A team up with Aquaman against an atomic-powered dolphin-strangling android. Doubles as the premier of the invisible submarine.

7. The one arch-nemesis worthy of her Amazon fury: Snowflame.

8. The use of the back of that 90’s jeans-jacket she’s sporting as adspace.

9. A wise mentor that instructs her in the ways of biting online satire.

10. A crippling addiction to dramatic poses and speeches as a core weakness.

11. Renaming the book Wonder Woman Xtreme.

12. A pitched battle against an undead army of rabid, change-fearing fanboys.

13. Wonder Woman should no longer be legally required to say “man’s world” once every two months.

14. As for Donna Troy, I have two words: stripper justice.

15. The first arc should end in a pay-per-view cage match against Ares.

16. Alternatively, she could face Ares after searching the world for Pandora’s box.

17. A sequel arc in which Wonder Woman fights the Fates.

18. She was Zeus’ daughter all along.

19. The lasso is a little old hat. Replacing them with a pair of flaming chain-blades would serve the character well.

20. Wonder Woman should be Kratos.

P.S: All mockery aside, thank you for finally giving her bloody pants.

7/1/2010
Email: contact@mwt-studios.com