Underworld Awakening Trailer Redub

by Dennard Dayle on January 13, 2012 in Movies, MWT TV with No comments

At the Movies

by Dennard Dayle on December 29, 2011 in Articles with No comments

Alan, Byron, and Cammy stand at the end of a line in the snow. Alan looks pissed off, Byron looks cold, and Cammy looks tipsy.

A: Why are we here?

B: My philosophy teacher said-

A: No, numbnuts. Why are we waiting in this line?

B: To see a movie.

C: A hilarious movie.

A: We’re paying money to see an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. What’s funny about that?

C: Everything.

B: I think it looks fun.

A: I think you’re a fucking idiot.
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A Juggalo Christmas Carol

by Dennard Dayle on December 25, 2011 in Articles, Lyrics Slaughterhouse, Music with No comments

A juggalo Christmas album exists. This is the worst song on it.

Merry Christmas Juggalettes
Hell yeah
It’s Twiztid and Blaze
Up in this beeotch

Some background: they’re rapping clowns. More detailed background: they’re the sidekicks to the Insane Clown Posse, more popular rapping clowns. More background than you ever wanted: Blaze is a dead gangbanger that came back as a rapping juggalo zombie. I wish I came up with this.
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Four Sentences to Avoid in Mad Science

by Dennard Dayle on December 21, 2011 in Articles with No comments

Take a look at this scenario:

This man’s life used to be in order. Now he’s making an army of giant radioactive jungle fauna. Within moments, a protagonist will be beating him like a small child. As his bones are pounded into chalk dust, he’ll wonder where things went wrong.
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Five Top Five of 2011 Lists

by Dennard Dayle on December 11, 2011 in Articles with No comments

Five Worst Songs

“Moves like Jagger” by Maroon 5 – Maroon 5 somehow found a way to get worse. I have a habit of comparing bad pop music to venereal disease on this site. Since I haven’t used gonorrhea yet, this band can have the honor.

“Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO – How on Earth did this happen? The hook to this is like having my brain attacked with a digital jackhammer. I can at least understand how the chorus to something like Tik Tok can be enjoyed. But the synth in this song is engineered to cause human pain. It is my dog whistle.

“The Time (Dirty Bit)” by Satan – This song reclaimed the term “critically panned”, but I still feel that isn’t enough. I need something brutal. Old Testament level career destruction needs to occur for me to be satisfied.

“Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO – Somehow the lesser of two evils from this group. It may suck less than its big brother, but it’s still guilty of sexually assaulting my ears at parties and my eyes with its music video. I want a cash settlement.

“The View” By Lou Reed & Metallica – This isn’t so much a failure as much as it is a glorious rebellion against success. I look forward to a bold future of artistic abortions.
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Youtube’s Guide to Constructive Feedback

by Dennard Dayle on December 10, 2011 in Articles with No comments

As a freshman, I made this Nostalgia Critic ripoff. It was fashionable at the time.

The video has a long laundry list of problems. The topic is dull, the audio is mixed badly, and I clearly skipped classes in acting school. However, as something with “Batman” and “Dracula” in the title, it attracted views. If I were more marketing savvy, I would have added “Swedish Models”.

Eventually, the comments started rolling in.

Good start. My freshman ego flew.

I admired his dedication. Not his spelling, but his dedication.
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Metaphysical Therapy: 11 Obscure Religions

by Dennard Dayle on November 17, 2011 in Articles with No comments

I’m neutral towards the gods, spirits, and saints of the global religious canon. Pascal offered me a wager, but I don’t gamble. Like many others, I enjoy my pork and Sunday mornings.

But I still have an imagination. So I’ve gone out in search of the perfect religion. I’ve combed the alleys and archives of the world in search of it. After that failed, I did a quick Google search. I may have found it, but still have to present my results to a board of my pretentious peers. Until then, enjoy this list of smaller faiths I’ve encountered in my studies.

Dionysus Reformists: The exclusive worship of the Hellenic god of wine, revelry, and hangovers. Popular on college campuses.

Orthodox Dadaism: Followers build readymade holy books from the scrolls of other faiths.

The Cult of the Self: The worship of the universe’s most noble, brilliant, and beautiful being.
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Cynic’s Guide to Comic Book Movies: DC/Vertigo

by Sam Lagow on November 3, 2011 in Articles, Comics with No comments

Batman: The Movie

Proof that idiots will always try to elevate themselves over wit they will never understand by making a “shark repellant” joke every time Adam West is mentioned.

Superman

People in the 70s will believe anything.

Superman II

The funny thing about pinnacles is that it’s all downhill from here.

Superman III

Case in point.
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A Cynic’s Guide to Comic Book Movies: Marvel

by Dennard Dayle on November 3, 2011 in Articles, Comics with No comments

Blade
Wesley Snipes makes vampires cool again. Look where that got us.

Blade 2 & Trinity
Every possible camera angle for stabbing a vampire is used and reused.

Spider-Man
Peter Parker cries.

Spider-Man 2
Peter Parker cries like a small child.

Spider-Man 3
Peter Parker jazz dances.

Hulk
HULK SMASH AUDIENCE INTEREST
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At the Library, Midterm Edition

by Dennard Dayle on October 31, 2011 in Articles with No comments

Leon: Are you already done with everything?

Maxine: No, I’ve got to write three papers in about two days.

Leon: Why were you playing Arkham City all week?

Maxine: Why weren’t you playing Arkham City all week?!
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